Quotes from Joseph Heller

When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering.

I don't understand the process of imagination-though I know that I am very much at its mercy.

The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.

In short, Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found it out.

I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.

He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.

Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.

I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.

History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.

Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Every writer I know has trouble writing.