Quotes from Joseph Heller

And both are gone. And ironically, I'm drawn to repeat my well known apothegm of futility: that, just as the person who wants praise will never be satisfied with praise, the person who wants love cannot be satisfied with love. No want is ever fulfilled. And I therefore still don't know whether it is better to fear God and keep His commandments or to curse God and die. Fortunately, I've been able to get by very neatly without doing either.

Well, maybe it is true, Clevinger conceded unwillingly in a subded tone. Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one? I do, Dunbar told him. Why? Clevinger asked. What else is there?

Metcalf, is that your foot I'm stepping on?' 'No, sir. It must be Lieutenant Scheisskopf's foot.' 'It isn't my foot,' said Lieutenant Scheisskopf. 'Then maybe it is my foot after all,' said Major Metcalf. 'Move it.' 'Yes, sir. You'll have to move your foot first, colonel. It's on top of mine.' 'Are you telling me to move my foot?' 'No, sir. Oh, no, sir.

How did I get here? Somebody pushed me. Somebody must have set me off in this direction and clusters of other hands must have touched themselves to the controls at various times, for I would not have picked this way for the world.

The war was still going on. Men went mad and were rewarded with medals. All over the world, boy on every side of the bomb line were laying down their lives for what they had been told was their country .

Sure there's a catch,' Doc Daneeka replied. 'Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.' There

Mudd was the unknown soldier who had never had a chance, for that was the only thing anyone ever did know about all the unknown soldiers—they never had a chance. They had to be dead.

no craving for wealth or immortality could be so great, he felt, as to subsist on the sorrow of children.

Olympic medals and tennis trophies, all they signified was that the owner had done something of no benefit to anyone more capably than everyone else.

Gimme eat, I said," he ordered loudly in harsh tones that rumbled ominously through the silent tent like claps of distant thunder.

All over the world, boys on every side of the bomb line were laying down their lives for what they had been told was their country, and no one seemed to mind, least of all the boys who were laying down their young lives.

Show me anything whereof it may be said, See, this is new, and I will show you it hath been.