No, Engelena. Don't blame yourself. Adam and Eve had a perfect parent, yet they rebelled.

As Ravi Zacharias said, "Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay.

Sin has a horrible appetite. It calls for more and more sin to be set in motion.

Then love is sin, and let me sinful be.

The purpose of his life, death, and resurrection was to ransom you from your sin, deliver you from the clutches of evil, restore you to God - so that his personality and his life could heal and fill your personality. Your humanity, and your life. This is the reason he came. Anything else is religion.

Our smaller stories are constructed along the plot lines of control and gratification. Once we begin to live by this false self, Satan and his minions sabotage the story to make sure we are exposed. Then he mocks us for our foolishness and hypocrisy for hiding behind such a facade in the first place. Other times, he simply leaves us to die in costume.

He must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine.

Thou wast not born for death, immortal bird!

Still paying, still to owe. Eternal woe!

Confounded, though immortal. But his doom, reserved him to more wrath; for now the thought both of lost happiness and lasting pain torments him.

But his doom 54: Reserv'd him to more wrath; for now the thought 55: Both of lost happiness and lasting pain 56: Torments him; round he throws his baleful eyes 57: That witness'd huge affliction and dismay 58: Mixt with obdurate pride and stedfast hate:

The wary fiend stood on the brink of hell, pondering his voyage