Every man should keep a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends.

I'm not that kinda guy to hold a grudge.

If there is one thing young engaged couples need to hear, it's that a good marriage is not something you find; it's something you work for. It takes struggle. You must crucify your selfishness. You must at times confront and at other times confess. The practice of forgiveness is essential. This is undeniably hard work. But eventually it pays off. Eventually, it creates a relationship of beauty, trust, and mutual support.

One can do many external deeds of love and still hold back the really precious gift, the inner self. This gift can be given only through communication.

View marriage as an entryway into sanctification — as a relationship that will reveal your sinful behaviors and attitudes and give you the opportunity to address them before the Lord. But here's the challenge: Don't give in to the temptation to resent your partner as your own weaknesses are revealed. Don't run from what you are hearing about yourself, or push your spouse away because of it — accept it and use it to grow.

God is radically for people. He wants everyone to come to a knowledge of the truth (1 Timothy 2:4). As his followers, we also must be for everyone, even if we oppose what they're doing. If we must live and work with toxic people, our call is to make sure their toxicity doesn't become ours. We don't treat them as they treat us. We don't offer evil in exchange for evil. We love. We serve. We guard our hearts so that we are not poisoned by their bad example.

Harmony, joy, and peace will never grace a home ruled by expectations instead of by the cross.

None of us can live up to the law; all of us will break it. Marriage teaches us — indeed, it practically forces us — to learn to live by extending grace and forgiveness to people who have sinned against us. If I can learn to forgive and accept my imperfect spouse, I'll be well equipped to offer forgiveness outside my marriage. Forgiveness, I'm convinced, is so unnatural an act that it takes practice to perfect it.

I think we need the same attitude with our marriage. All of us experience certain things about our spouses that may be difficult for us to accept.

Learn how to grieve fractured relationships, and then learn how to let them go. Don't let disappointment morph into self-doubt and self-flagellation. Just because you wish something wasn't a certain way doesn't mean it's your fault that it's not.

This is the reality of the human heart, the inevitability of two sinful people pledging to live together, with all their faults, for the rest of their lives.

What if your husband's faults are God's tools to shape you? What if the very thing that most bugs you about your man constitutes God's plan to teach you something new? Are you willing to accept that your marriage makeover — the process of moving a man — might begin with you?