Lila!" she said, wincing again. "Such language, honey! Your parents don't let you swear like that around them, do they?" Whoadie folded her arms. "Well, no, they didn't used to," she said. "But they both died in a hurricane when I was little, so now I get to say whatever the fuck I want.

Oft have I heard that grief softens the mind,' Ãƒ¢Ã¢'¬Ã‚ the young woman recited. " Ãƒ¢Ã¢'¬Ã‹œAnd makes it fearful and degenerate; Think therefore on revenge and cease to weep.

I never had time to think about my beliefs until my 28-year-old daughter Paula fell ill. She was in a coma for a year, and I took care of her at home until she died in my arms in December of 1992.

I was there the night John Lennon was shot, three blocks away. It left a lasting impression on me.

We're not supposed to outlive our children. It goes against nature's plan of things.

They say the sky is the same everywhere. Travellers, the shipwrecked, exiles, and the dying draw comfort from the thought.

Davidson, I Called Him Roosk, He Called Me Dad: A Collection of Thoughts About a Father's Faith, Love, and Grief After Losing His Son (privately printed), 36—37. CHAPTER 11: BLIND INTERSECTIONS

Are you angry with God? Tell him. Disgusted with God? Let him know. Weary of telling people you feel fine when you don't? Tell the truth. My friends Thomas and Andrea Davidson did. A stray bullet snatched their fourteen-year-old son, Tyler, out of their lives. Tom writes:

When I find myself filling with rage over the loss of a beloved, I try as soon as possible to remember that my concerns and questions should be focused on what I learned or what I have yet to learn from my departed love. What legacy was left which can help me in the art of living a good life?

Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening. We do not have to work so hard to avoid it. While hurt feelings aren't as much fun as feeling happy, they are, still, just feelings.

Real power comes from feeling our feelings, not from ignoring them. Real strength comes, not from pretending to be strong all the time, but from acknowledging our weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

Healthy are those who mourn," writes Donald L. Anderson, a minister and psychologist, in Better Than Blessed. "Only very recently have we begun to realize that to deny grief is to deny a natural human function and that such denial sometimes produces dire consequences," he continues.