Don't be overheard complaining ... not even to yourself.

They were wearing camouflage gear direct from central casting, and if it hadn't been for the guns I might have laughed, not yet realizing that female laughter would soon be in short supply.

Condoms seemed to her inherently wicked. But they were also inherently funny. They were like rubber gloves with only one finger, and every time she saw one she had to be severe with herself or she'd get the giggles, a terrifying thought because the man might think you were laughing at him, at his dick, at its size, and that would be fatal.

Perhaps he was merely being friendly. Perhaps he saw the look on my face and mistook it for something else. Really what I wanted was the cigarette.

I stand in the dark, start to unbutton. Then I hear something inside my body. I've broken, something has cracked, that must be it. Noise is coming up, coming out, of the broken place, in my face. Without warning: I wasn't thinking about here or there or anywhere. If I let the noise get out into the air it will be laughter, too loud, too much of it, someone is bound to hear.

Sanity is a valuable possession; I hoard it the way people once hoarded money.

I understand that being able to appeal to the public and having an amazing sense of humour is not something that comes easy. It's definitely a gift and for which I'm thankful.

In the time of your life, live—so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but shall smile to the infinite delight and mystery of it."

Positive and negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time.

It's always tea-time.

Before you leave the house, you need to make up your mind that you're going to stay positive and enjoy the day no matter what comes your way. You have to decide ahead of time.

I'm a little more goofy than I think people give me credit for. I like to have fun. I like to have a good time. People don't always get to see that.