Sometimes macho language is to mask things people are not ready to deal with.

I've become a master of the apology.

Secrets are things we give to others to keep for us.

I have loads of secrets to tell all the time.

In neglecting our intense emotions, we are false to ourselves and lose a wonderful opportunity to know God. We forget that change comes through brutal honesty and vulnerability before God.

Ignoring our emotions is turning our back on reality; listening to our emotions ushers us into reality. And reality is where we meet God … Emotions are the language of the soul. They are the cry that gives the heart a voice … However, we often turn a deaf ear — through emotional denial, distortion, or disengagement. We strain out anything disturbing in order to gain tenuous control of our inner world. We are frightened and ashamed of what leaks into our consciousness.

Our churches are filled with "leaking" Christians who have not treated their emotions as a discipleship issue.

Lewis Smedes sums up the dangers of superficial forgiveness: "We will not take healing action against unfair pain until we own the pain we want to heal. It is not enough to feel pain. We need to appropriate the pain we feel: Be conscious of it, take it on, and take it as our own … I worry about fast forgivers. They tend to forgive quickly in order to avoid their pain.

We numb our pain through denial, blaming, rationalizations, addictions, and avoidance.

Unhealed wounds open us up to habitual sin against God and others.

Using God to run from God Ignoring anger, sadness, and fear Dying to the wrong things Denying the impact of the past on the

The degree to which you recognize and engage your own shadow is the degree to which you can free others to face theirs.