Quotes from Carol Burnett

I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking.

I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry.

Kristin Wiig I think is brilliant.

Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant.

I had it in my contract with CBS, a very weird clause that was never written before and certainly not since, that if I wanted to do a variety show within the first five years of the contract, CBS would have to put it on for 30 shows.

Our legacy is really the lives we touch, the inspiration we give, altering someone's plan---if even for a moment---and getting them to think, rage, cry, laugh, argue...Walk around the block, dazed...More than anything, we are remembered for our smiles; the ones we share with our closest and dearest, and the ones we bestow on a total stranger, who needed it RIGHT THEN, and God put you there to deliver. ---Carrie Louise Hamilton, dedication page

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

We all get where we're going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted.

My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres.

I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland.

Carol, if you could be a member of the opposite sex for twenty-four hours, and then pop back and be yourself again, who would you be and what would you do?" My mind started racing like mad. Opposite sex? For twenty-four hours? Who would I be? What would I do? I said a quick little prayer. Please, let me just open my mouth and have whatever comes out make sense. I took a deep breath and what came out was this: "I'd be Osama bin Laden, and I'd kill myself.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.