Quotes from Stephen Colbert
Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.
— Stephen Colbert
If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
— Stephen Colbert
So, a word to all you Femin-Idi-Amins: Stop "liberating" moms by trying to make them join the workforce. They're already doing the job that God put them here to do: Everything.
— Stephen Colbert
Now I don't know why he's denying them habeas corpus. I can only assume the guys they got detained over there did something really unforgivable. Like remind Obama he was once a professor of Constitutional Law.
— Stephen Colbert
Divorce is marital welfare.It's just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn't do enough research before they got married.
— Stephen Colbert
What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
— Stephen Colbert
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
— Stephen Colbert
A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
— Stephen Colbert
In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'
— Stephen Colbert
Maybe he'll be different from who he was and always is.
— Stephen Colbert
If you're saying farewell to your arms, what do you use to wave goodbye?
— Stephen Colbert
I have a morality. I don't know if it's the best morality. And I do like thinking. If people perceive that as a moral intellectualism, that's fine. That's up to them to decide.
— Stephen Colbert